We have made it to a new year! Through all of our problems, heartbreak, breakdowns, and issues, WE MADE IT! So here comes the “New Year, New Me” social media posts and all of the New Year Resolutions that come along with that.
This year, I challenge you to avoid making hollow resolutions and works on truly defining or redefining yourself. How do you do that? Thank you for asking! I have highlighted one path to take below.
1. Identify Your hurt
First, you need to find out what hurt and trauma you are still holding on to.
Are you angry with someone from your past? Why?
Do certain things upset you when they have no natural significance in your life? What are these things and why do they upset you?
Once you are able to identify what is causing your hurt, you will be on the right path to healing and redefining yourself
Healing is an important part of re-defining ourselves. Pain and trauma are part of what defines us in the first place. The best way to redefine yourself is to heal from that. To do this,
- Forgive those that have hurt you
Forgiveness simply means that you let go of the bitterness and anger that weighs down your spirit. It does not mean that you have to accept that person back into your life.
- Accept that some things cannot be changed
Sometimes we weigh ourselves down wishing and hoping that certain things or people will change. Some things and people cannot be changed. Accept it.
- Allow room for grief
Cry, scream, or do whatever you have to do to release your sadness. Holding it in does not allow your mind to heal. Crying is a natural response to pain or trauma, and it certainly does not mean that you are weak.
3. Understand You
After you heal, it is imperative that you understand who you are as a person. What are your likes? What are your dislikes.? What are the core values that make you who you are?
Make a list of what defines you: your values and beliefs. These are the things that you cannot live without?
This may take a bit of meditation and soul-searching, but it is worth it.
4. Define Your Real Self
Take a step outside of yourself and look at who you are without bias. How do you look physically? How do you feel mentally? How are you in terms of your personality and sociability?
Don’t justify with “I am this way because. . .” Just simply create a list of who you are – really?
For example: My real self does a poor job of balancing my work obligations and self-care.
There is no justification in the previous statement. It is simply an honest analysis of my personality.
5. Identify your Ideal Self
After you have identified your real self, you need to do something similar with who you want to be in terms of the same criteria you listed for your ideal self.
For example: My ideal self is able to create and maintain a balance between my work obligations and self-care.
Again, there is no justification. Just an honest statement of who I want to be
6. Create A Plan
After identifying your real self and ideal self, it is time to make a concrete and measurable plan to get yourself from your ideal self to your real self. Try to answer the questions: what, when, how and where?
In order to take myself from my real self to my ideal self, I will make a schedule and follow it (WHAT). On this schedule, I will include at least one hour per weekday, at least 4 hours over the weekend, and at least one full day per month, to practice self-care (WHEN). I will fill these time slots with crocheting, writing, meditating, doing yoga, playing the keyboard, getting a massage, and spending quality time with my boyfriend (HOW). I will do these things in the comfort of my home – except the massage – or in a nearby park if the weather permits (WHERE).
7. Take Action
This is the easiest part. Carry out your plan!
Get the Redefining Yourself Interactive Guide
Are you interested in taking these 7 steps but are not sure how to do it exactly, you can get the interactive guide for free that will walk you through the process.